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The “Give-Me” Generation

I was 15 years old, and I had just bought my new, awesome, sweet, loud, wall-shaking, mind-blowing stereo. If I get into an argument with my parents and I don’t want to listen to them anymore, then I will just turn my stereo up really loud and lock my door. Right?

I had just gotten in a big argument with my dad. I don’t even remember what it was about. All I knew is that I was about to use my new powerful stereo to “tune him out.” I stormed into my room angry, turned my stereo on, and SHOWED HIM NOT TO MESS WITH ME! AHHHH! I’m invincible!

About 3 minutes later the power to the entire house went out. My dad went to the basement and turned all of the circuits off. I came home the next day with all my power cords missing.

Some would see this a drastic move in my dad’s play book, but my father’s job wasn’t to feel sorry for me, or worry about hurting my feelings. His job was to raise me – to teach me respect, honor, faith and hard work… even if that meant pushing me to the edge.

If you stop disrespect in its place the very first times that it happens, then it has less of a chance to evolve into a life-habit. Same goes for hard work. If you practice being lazy, then that will be your life habit. If you practice hard work, then nothing can stop you. Nothing.

I thank God that my parents kicked my butt as a kid, made me work hard for everything I had, taught me responsibility, showed tough love, and weren’t afraid to hurt my feelings in order to direct my life down the correct path. I pray that my son Chase Michael will learn those same values from me.

Introduction

My dad was creative in the way he dealt with me growing up. He didn’t have a choice. I was stubborn, and did everything I could to resist my parents’ rules as a teenager. I hated most of their rules. They didn’t make sense at the time. It took my parents pushing me back, being strong as a rock and stubborn as a bull to direct me down the right path. Thank God they didn’t give up, and fought for what they knew was right. Thank God they didn’t enable my poor lifestyle.

I have been pondering a lot of things lately in my attempts to figure out how we (the entire world, actually) have reached this idea that society owes us something. What makes a person who does not contribute to their own life or work hard think that they deserve the same as those who take responsibility for their actions and work hard? I don’t know what the answer is, but in my own life, I can blame a lot of the good character traits I have on my parents.

I was blessed as a child with all of the things that my parents gave me, but I was blessed more by what they refused to give me. You see, even at age 12 my dad taught me the importance of working for what I have and earning my “rewards.” Of course, these lessons weren’t without fighting, arguing, rage, anger and yes, even some hatred during my high school years. I never thought I would arrive at the point that I would be grateful for the very rules and lessons I was being taught as a child. But where would I be had my parents taken a less active role in my life? What if my parents tried to be friends with me growing up, rather than parents?

Let’s take a look at what I believe to be the essential molding factors in my life, and how they relate to our current, lazy, give-me, entitlement society. Sit back and enjoy some of my childhood stories… and discover what hard work, responsibility, values, honor and true tough love really are.

My First Job… Work Is For Kids Too

I grew up with household responsibilities as far back as I can remember. Just the basics like trash, dishes, yard work, etc. I was also taught at a young age that the way you get things is by working hard and saving money to buy them. One of the sayings I heard a lot growing up was “Don’t count your chickens before the eggs hatch.” That was my dad’s way of telling me not to spend money that I didn’t have.

At times I have joked about replacing the bubble machine in my son’s future Little Tikes lawn mower with moving blades and letting him “play” in the yard.

My first semi-real job was at age 12 or 13. I can’t specifically remember. I worked for a good man in my church at a company called A&E. It wasn’t full-time, but it put some money in my pockets at $8/hr. There were just a few of us working in an office stamping springs into bolts that would later be used as a mechanical part of some sort. We only worked a couple days a week, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that I was learning what hard work was, and what it meant to earn what I had. I think even at a young age I had a strong work ethic and drive, and it has paid off for me so far in life.

I Got Paid $3 To Cut My Grass Growing Up

So at about age 13 or 14 my dad decided that it was time for me to start getting paid for the yard work I did around the house. The lesson that developed out of this story in my life is definitely among the most life-changing. Below is how the conversation went, exactly.

Dad: Son, we’ve decided to start paying you for yard work and cutting the grass.
Me: Okay, cool. How much do I get?
Dad: $3
Me: WHAT!? The kid across the street gets $20 and he doesn’t even do much. I work twice as hard.
Dad: Okay, looks like you’re doing it for free again.

You see, I lived in my parents house, which means their rules. Of course, parents these days let their kids run their households instead of the other way around, but my dad wasn’t having it. It was a privilege to get paid anything, and my complaining about the dollar amount ended up teaching me that money is valuable, but respect, good attitude, and hard work is more valuable.

I did yard work for free for the next month or so until renegotiations became available. Let’s just say that $3 a week sounded much better the next time around.

I Paid The Light Bill Growing Up

Yes, you read that correctly. Let me explain. As grew my bank account, so also grew my responsibilities at home. Another lesson I hated at the time, but now cherish. Apparently I enjoyed leaving lights on around the house. So, my dad implemented a simple idea. Every time he found a light on in a room I wasn’t in, he marked it down on a sheet and charged me $.25. Again, this wasn’t necessarily about the money, it was about being responsible with not just my money, but other people’s money as well. Why should my parents pay for my mistakes, laziness and irresponsibility? They shouldn’t. Expecting them to is disrespectful.

My $800 Stereo & How I Paid For It At 15 Years Old

I remember when I wanted to buy my first big item. It was a stereo system (photo below). When I told my dad that I wanted a new stereo system, there was no conversation or argument, there was no debate. He simply said “start saving for it.” Wow, what profound words in our world today; not just on a personal level either. That is a lesson our government could learn from. To think that a 15 year old kid is being forced to be more responsible than our nation’s government is sort of an astonishing thought. If you don’t have the money for something, then you can’t buy it.

This is how the conversation seems to be going these days.
Child: Hey mom, I need an iPod.
Mom: Okay, here.

Really? What does this teach our kids? I’ll tell you. It teaches them that someone else will work hard and provide so they don’t have to. A lesson that undermines work ethic and traditional American values. Imagine if our founders had this same mindset. America would simply not exists. People would still be waiting around for someone else to come till the ground and chop the lumber.

So… I started saving. I started working at Fazoli’s, picked up another job helping with yard work at my church, and picked up some side jobs in the neighborhood raking leaves and cutting grass. I was on a mission, and my only choice was hard work. My dad didn’t give me another option, so I knew what had to be done. About 8 months later, I had this.

My First Big Purchase | Technics Stereo System

It is amazing how much more we appreciate “stuff” when we work for it, save for it, and pay for it. That’s another problem. When a kid has nothing to lose and nothing invested in what they have… they treat it as such. It’s not their money, so if they break it or lose it it’s no loss to them. Someone else will just buy them another one. Success through hard work is like reaching the top of a mountain after days of climbing, sweat, pain and hunger. The reward is more highly appreciated than if we were to just take a helicopter to the top, even though the view would end up being the same.

With the mentality of our current generation(s), one might argue that someone with a stereo like this is “rich.” Maybe it’s not fair that a 15 year old has a stereo like this when other kids only have Walkmans. We were by no means “rich” growing up. My family worked hard, contributed to the church and to the community, and lived within their means.

I Didn’t Get My License Until I Was Almost 18 years Old | My Lesson In Respect

So, the time had finally rolled around for me to become an “adult.” Of course, I thought I was an adult at 11 years old, so to me it was just an accessory to adulthood… right?

I was a mouthy kid growing up, and some would say that hasn’t changed much. When my parents were growing up, talking back or disrespecting them got you tossed across the room with whatever was close, and could be easily used as a baseball bat. One of my mom’s favorite “weapons” was the TV guide. Its pages flapping in the wind as it came hurling at me was a warning sound of my mother striking. Now days, parents let their kids run all over them. They’re afraid of losing their “popularity” with their kids. Temporary thinking.

My dad was a professional at making my life suck while at the same time making his life easy.

I was already of age to be able to get my license. Classes were done, driving hours were put in, etc. It was now only a matter of me taking my final driving test. He decided that every time I was disrespectful (especially to my mother), he was going to mark a day off on the calendar that would extend the date in which I could get my driver’s license. I had finally met my nemesis. You see, again, this wasn’t about driving. It was about getting a value across to me that would far outweigh any entertainment value or personal freedom that I thought driving would bring. My parents knew that the teaching substance, and my future success as a Christian and as an American in my life would come from lessons like this. I even remember a few occasions where entire months were marked off. If a parent did something like this these days, the parent would probably be shunned by other parents. Don’t worry, my parents dealt with that as well.

My First Car

When it came to purchasing my first car, my dad’s wise decisions for my life didn’t budge. A lot of kids these days get cars handed to them, and I’m not against parents blessing their children, but even at that, there is a level of responsibility that must be taught. My dad’s rule was simple and reasonable. I had to save up a minimum of half of what the car cost. The other half would be a small loan that I would be 100% responsible for paying off. My first car cost $5,000. I paid $3,000 up front, and the other $2,000 was in a 24 month loan. Here is my first ride. A 1997 Acura Integra.

My 1997 Acura Integra

A Parent Is Not A “Friend”

One of the most profound events that occurred during my childhood was this story. I had just gotten in a big argument with my dad. It was a weekly occurrence growing up. I was fed up with their dumb rules that didn’t make sense, and it drove to hate my parents. One night in the middle of an argument, I finally decided to let my full feelings show.

“I hate you, dad!” I yelled straight into his face. As a teenager, I didn’t care if I hurt my parents, and I thought this would be an impacting statement on them. Not a chance.

My dad’s reply caught me so off guard that I had no idea what to say afterwards.

He told me that he didn’t care. He said that it wasn’t his job to worry about how I felt, or what I thought about him… it was only his job to be a responsible parent and follow God’s word for my life and his. He told me that at the end of the day, he doesn’t report to me, he reports to God… and that meant that I wasn’t always going to like what rules he had.

Parents these days think that it is more important to be their kid’s “friend” than it is to be their parent. Parents, your kids have enough “friends.” They have enough people enabling their disrespect and irresponsibility. What they don’t have enough of is parenting. Stop being confused.

It is not your job to make sure that they like you. It your job to make sure you teach them the values they need to live a responsible and successful life. The two are not the same.

The Alternate Ending

If you do the right thing as a parent… if you are tough and show them the right way to live, work, pray and thrive, and they end up off track in life, at least you will know that you did your part. However, if you disregard these lessons to be taught in expectation that they can learn on their own through their personal mistakes… then your expectations for their life should mirror the expectations that you placed on them when you had full influence.

The alternate ending is a selfish generation of irresponsible, lazy, “give me” machines that have no concept of hard work, self-motivation, respect, and most importantly… honor. Honor comes in faith, hard work, honesty and a good attitude. Everything else is of secondary importance. The way your kids were raised are more than likely the way they will raise their kids… and each generation gets further and further away from the values we once viewed as essential.

Our faith, politics and government are not exempt either. Where we began is not where we are. The foundation is cracked because each generation has forgotten the basics of life and success. We’ve turned away from God-reliance and self-reliance… and we now look to others to provide for us. Can you imagine if the original settlers showed up here on a boat expecting someone else to build their first house, first church, hunt their food, plant their gardens and take care of their children? They didn’t really have that option. They had to do everything, and hard work made them appreciate life and success much more. Where has that ethic gone?

The problem is… if we are all looking to others for our provision… we’re not really getting anywhere in life.

Hard Work Quotes

Leaders aren’t born they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that’s the price we’ll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal. -Vince Lombardi

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. -Thomas A. Edison

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time. -Thomas A. Edison

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